happy thoughts

ok thats a title i never thought i'll write ehh ..

so lately i have been asked to write about the good and happy moments that i have in my life.. i do have my share i hope.. but really i dont know what to say..
i am thankful for the people who are around me supporting the "moaning sloth" ..

I am excited that i will have a life changing year.. fundemental changes.. work.. friends and possibly hmmmm .. ah well :)

little by little one wrinkle at a time and i discover that life teaches you nothing if you put ur head inside a wooden box with the same tune playing over and over again .. hiding and doing the minimal requirements to live.. years have past and am still what i was.. little changes of course.. i have never been out.. really out
sitting in the darkness just thinking of the new skills that i have aquired.. my heart sank.. i havent changed a bit.. i didnt learn anything.. in fact i lost alot..

hobbies.. how many times have u been asked to list ur hobbies ??
mine were.. music and reading..
music was my life.. its my escape to this floating reality .. i used to play.. listen and give my so not appreciated opinion // but at least i had one..
it seems to me that this place has vanished as my youthful soul had..
reading .. i was a book worm and thats putting it nicely.. it strikes me now that i cant remember what i used to read about ..

seriously // how sad is that ?!

no use.. i tried to write about my happy thoughts and look where we at !

written on 8/10/2006

Today.. i still feel the same.. :)

:)

Basement

eye opener

Today i noticed something ..
While at work.. I've noticed that everyone i talk to .. colleagues or friends.. all .. i whine to ..
Everything is stressful and i am overwhelmed by every single thing that happens during the day.
most of them however are gladly listening and helping. but..

As i was whining .. i paused for a second.. and i discovered that i became the one thing i hate the most.. Drama Queen !!
I admit.. i am a major drama queen .. now when looking closely .. as i am writing this line.. "I" has been repeated more than 10 times.. in this simple paragraph !
What the hell happened to me ?

Listening to people complaining all day long about things that are serious, or mostly insignificant had a huge impact.. either i developed this beautiful habit here or it was unleashed in that dump "my work place"

here we go again.. "I" used to give that pleasure to a handful people.. some are gone.. my rock has gone.. now everyone has its share.. i became unbearable !

one phone conversation made me furious today.. I was intellegently trying to improve the system in my work place to a dear friend.. all i got was a complete dismissal and the perfect " oh Sloth stop it.. get real..stop living in your ideal world.. do ur work like a slave and get out" .. hmmmm I didn't appreciate that one bit.. and that's another issue to be addressed.. but really.. have i reached to that extent where my friends are getting annoyed by me ?
Do i care ? Absolutely not.. i was hurt sure.. but again ..

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME !


Note to self : Slothy.. people suck !

well..

I have nothing to say.. but I've missed you .

then he Left.

She was sitting at the dark corner.. looking at the kid holding his mothers hand so tightly
she was there when he approached her, with little notice to her sad demeanor.. He grabbed a chair and sat right next to her. asking her politely if she would give him a "chance"..
Slowly turning her face to him.. pleading with her sad eyes for him to leave.. She's tired.. drained and above all deeply hurt.
smiling like an angel he continued.. "I know what you're trying to say.. I know about the pain.. I also know I can take it all away.. If you give me the chance.."
hesitant.. she looked the other way.. thinking of a better way to dismiss him.. but how ? her sadness didn't drive him away.. taking it as a challenge? her pain is not a game..not a field for him to prove his efficacy. Let him be... let him try.. he will get scared.. he will leave.

"so?" he said..
"you'll fail.. option is yours.. you've been warned "
" a chance is all i am asking for"
"a chance isl what you'll get" and failure ahead..

She continued looking through this window... He grabbed her chin and asked her to look into his eyes..
He can provide all the hope she needs.. just by looking into his eyes she felt safe..
held her hand and walked her through the room.. she was scared and shivering.. asked him to let go so she can return to her dark corner.. where she's been forgotten..
he tightened his grip with a sweet soothing voice he said.. "we will do it together.. we will walk around and you will see that there is nothing to be afraid of.. nothing.. "
She begged him to hold on .. her weakened legs can't bear her any longer.. of no avail.. he pulled her harder .. with a steady step she began to look around.. the room is not as big as she thought it would be.. She tightened her grip.. and for the first time.. she smiled..
they started twirling.. once bumping into an empty chair.. once against a brick wall.. but always holding hands.. till she began to walk with little confidence .. she finally reached the center of the room.. and then..
he left .

Talking to you.

Do you always have to be right ?
Should i spend the rest of my life trying to convince you ?
I told you repeatedly to stop. Just stop and listen ..

No one will do anything for you. everyone has a belief..
It doesn't matter whether its right or wrong..

You believe and i respect that. but don't you dare force me to believe in you.
I've watched you closely.. I've seen what you are capable of..
I don't want to come any closer.. just stay where you are.. maybe .. maybe someday someone will have the courage.
I gave my best.

For you my friend.. for you :)

nite talk

It's been long since I talked to you .. been so damn long..
we started with a pact. I talk, you listen. my friend you have for long but..
I don't believe that whatever I say matters anymore.
my misery, the fuel. was kept on a tight leash..
waiting and praying for a happy moment just to tell you .. just to involve you
and when it finally happened.. I reached out my hand to you .. just to find you distracted by someone else..
someone with a better story to tell.. a better face to look at.. a better soul to dissolve in.
have i lost you ?
should i fight for you ?
Can i ?

I will keep whispering
my words will eventually reach